The Open House Rape

There are times when you feel the world spinning around you and you feel like throwing up but the only problem is that 20 odd people are intently gazing at you like an extremely hungry pack of wolves who have gone without food for some time.. In my short and uneventful life so far I have had 3 such occasions- once when I was asked to hold my ears and stand on the bench with all my classmates looking at me for a crime i didnt commit..then i felt like planning a retribution strategy ala The Usual Suspects but predictably gave up for the lack of proper ideas( a softer way of saying that I had not even a single ounce of guts). The second occasion was when I was asked to stand in front of the entire school assembly for planning an extremely efficient mass bunk in order to avoid a dreaded test..but then i had some 10 more morons for company..now i come to think of it, it was sort of cool. Ok lets strike that out from the list. So we are left with just the last and the latest incident..The occasion- The open house debate organised by two morons of the moronic ilk, The Bulk and The Sulk.. I went there with The reptile himself and the moment we set foot in the room I realised how grave a mistake I had committed..first there were only about 20 people in there and hence the popularity quotient of the debate was undebatable( notice the oxymoron!!). Second the judge for the OHD was PTV himself- a man who has a compulsive neurological disorder of calling every great man a haddu..So obviously the moment I saw him I was showered with "you are a haddu, you are a haddu" chants..I cant say it puts me off, infact in a way it amuses me..It exemplifies the extent to which a person can be obsessed with a single word. Thirdly i-Prond and The Licker were together and smiling gleefully. If anyone has heard of a more "intimidating" team kindly lemme know...You could say that the omens were there for me to see. But I am no Alchemist or Paolo Coelho for that matter and also a person's sense of judgement gets clouded when his period of reckoning comes..So i went forward and put my name down for participation..The debate was open house so interjections could have come from anyone..however everyone in that room looked as disinterested as spectators watching a Kenya-Zimbabwe test match..Interjections were few and far between which ofcourse pleased me..I mean i would have less things to contend with but destiny had other things in store for me. More about that later.. i-Prond and the Licker went first.. lo and behold! Both of them spoke against the topic handed out to them..As if we needed proof, they do it again.. but I was to outdo them in their acts of utter dumbness. The topic given to me was a highly idiotic one (Ok its now me who's sulking). 'One nation's freedom fighter is another's terrorist' might sound like a good debate topic but trust me it is good enough to screw you if you arent a seasoned speaker.. I went against the topic. In hindsight i can probably say that speaking in favour of the topic would have been easier but these things can always be done better in hindsight. The moment I graced the stage my head started spinning..My legs were shaking and the only thought running through my mind was of sprinting full pelt back to my room..But i had to say something. And then i stammered through my 2 minutes blurting out highly nonsensical stuff. Even Ross having being confronted by a similar situation simply managed "I havent had sex for quite some time" and that too to his own cousin. So i guess that is normal. But what I came up with during the interjections was even worse.. The licker and i-Prond having been stung by their massive goof-up wanted to ease their pain and came up with a lot of questions all unfairly directed at me. And i managed to blurt something out that obviously went against the stand i had adopted earlier cause the next thing I know everyone is laughing their heads off after The Reptile said something directed at me( et tu Bansi?).. But all bad things come to an end. That was it. I kept mum through the rest of the OHD though of course I joined in the applause when Lefty spoke in that characteristic way of his- extremely witty..hats off man!!



An Affair To Forget I guess!!!!!!