INTROSPECTION

My apologies for a prolonged hiatus. I wasnt really in any mood to write what with the exams going on, my pleasant stay at my home back in Patna and then getting acclimatised to the rigours of another semester here. But everything said and done, I am back!!

People near and dear to me know that I am probably not a very emotional person..I mean I rarely subject myself to exaggerated elation or deep bouts of sorrow or drown myself in tears. Some find it irritating and some say its not humanly. Of course there are always insensitive morons like me who find nothing wrong with such a behaviour. My laziness is another aspect that has drawn outright ridicule and I can humbly say that it has become something of a legend. It is quite probable that I might become a parameter for laziness the world over some time in the near future. However criticism pouring over me from all sides has forced me to initiate a process of introspection. I want to delve into the complex domains of my psyche in order to find out the principal reasons behind my faineancy in order to completely extirpate it from my persona..that is if it is possible.

Was I always lazy? The surprising answer to that is no. I was a reasonably active kid and upto my 10th class I was not overly active but no one would have had a reason to call me lazy. Then came my two years in Delhi. Extremely enjoyable days though they were, the seeds of my laziness were probably laid here. Of course since these things are not objective in nature a firm deduction can hardly be made. Then came the days of my college life..Usually college environs provide the stimulus for the wild and reckless side of one's soul to take firm control. People try their hands at new things, show the tremendous reservoirs of effervescence that youth brings with it..surprisingly in my case it didnt. On the contrary the effect on me was totally the opposite what with me turning into 'a lazy ass'( as The Bulk would put it). Why?? There are probably two chief reasons; my hesitancy in opening myself to a person I do not know meaning that I hardly enter into any interaction with a stranger or in other words my shyness, and the inherent fear of failure and humiliation that keeps me off trying anything new. The latter is something that afflicts the best of us. The combined effect of the two was my enclosing myself to a select band of people and preferring to trust the tested environs of my room. The more I sat back the more laziness engulfed me. I never tried to shake it off and as a result stands in front of mankind the epitome of laziness himself.

The billion-dollar-question is whether it is possible for me to completely remove it from my character. Or is it like addiction to drugs and alcohol wherein it becomes increasingly difficult to prise oneself off from its chains? I do not know the answer to that. Maybe god will provide an unexpected motivating factor which will help me break the shackles of inactivity like those motivating hollywood and bolywood flicks. Maybe one day I will wake up in the morning like spiderman and find myself unbelievably active. Maybe an inspiring monologue from someone will cause me to throw it off me.Maybe one day I will be free from it..Maybe..................................